“Who told you that you were a narcissist?” This would probably be God’s question to me if I ran to him during that time when I thought I was a narcissist, just like Genesis 3:11 when He asked Eve after Adam and Eve hid from Him realizing they were naked. I wish I did that – ran to God when I labeled myself a narcissist. I never did. To be honest, I thought this is the first time that I am declaring I AM NOT A NARCISSIST.
My heart is grateful for the friend who shared the story of Ana Jalandoni on Facebook. After watching the two interviews and binge-watch Dr. Ramani’s articles on YouTube, I was just sad for even thinking I am still a narcissist. It is good to be reminded that I am healed from this self-sabotage. I can stop following Quora articles about it now and maybe remind my husband and friends to remind me about labeling myself negatively.
From the now-defunct blog, 30SomethingKring posted on 8/1/2016
Why I Proclaimed Myself A Narcissist?
I don’t know when I started calling myself a narcissist, but I always have a feeling of superiority over everyone. I was the first baby in the family. All attention was on me. And I loved it. But as I grow up and started going to school, I began to see how different I was from everyone else. I was often ridiculed for the color of my eyes (They are Hazel Brown like a cat’s eye) and for being short. We were very poor. My mom serviced my classmate’s mom’s nails for a living. I was inferior in social status. But instead of dwelling on what I lacked, I magnified what I have. I was pretty and intelligent – that’s all I have. So I made them my weapon of choice.
I studied harder than anyone. Fortify me mentally and look down on people who look down on me in social status. Bully first before getting bullied. They may be rich, but I am better in beauty and brain. All I have is myself. I didn’t have anything or anyone. So that’s maybe why I loved myself so much because, without which, I would have been nothing. Self-love was narcissism. That’s why I called myself such.
I took dressing up seriously. We were not rich so I had to be creative. We cannot afford branded ones but I realized that brands don’t make you look prettier. No matter what you wear just as long as it fits you, you can be anyone.
Intelligent with looks – that was all I had. And I thought narcissism was all about loving yourself. But after reading this post, it saddens me. I don’t have any intention of sabotaging anyone’s happiness. So from this day onward, I will not call myself a narcissist ever. I love myself, but that’s it. I believe that if you don’t love yourself first, no one will. EVER.
The two can be confusing, but the gauge is the motive behind everything that you do. Narcissists only care about themselves at the expense of others while self-lovers care about themselves and others. For that, my heart is clean and totally narcissist-free. Thank you, God, for the gift of wisdom!!!
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